my adventures in the rap game
So okay, we put up that new site
Married To The Sea the other day, right? Yeah, I know you have probably already seen it. But, okay, see, the thing is, I got this retarded idea. I got the idea that I would make a rap theme song for our new web site.
I am not going to rap, no, I don't think that would be a good idea. I mean, I'm not going to lie, I will rap hard for an hour, but I am not gonna put it on the internet. I just do not sound tough. You have to sound tough to rap and I just think I am not very tough-sounding at all. I sound like the toughest experience that has ever happened to me is that once I had to wait too long at Burger King. The only beef I have in my game is with the mailman who tends to bring my mail in the afternoon, rather than in the morning, which I greatly prefer.
Well, a long chain of boring events happened, and I ended up writing U-God's agents asking them if he would be interested in rapping on a Married To The Sea theme song. They did not write me back. I was pretty much deterred by that, well, definitely deterred by that, cause I don't know if he even saw it, or if his agents were like OHHHH MAN I HATE THAT GUY'S WEB SITES, OHHH, NO WAY and U-God did not even hear about it.
So I got on "
Myspace" and I added myself to all the Wu-Tang member pages, because they have their own myspace pages, which actually mentally enabled me to allow myself to sign up for myspace. "Dude. The Wu-Tang think Myspace is cool. The Wu-Tang are very good rappers, I will trust them. I am going to type in the URL right now." And then I got on there and immediately I got like 3 "myspace bulletins" from U-God. Or as some call him... Golden Arms.
I don't know if you have heard the song "
Winter Warz" but it is easily one of my favorite raps ever. U-God raps on that, his verse is awesome. So I thought it was fortuitous that he e-bulletin-messaged me some freestyle raps. I replied to his bulletins.
"Listen, I tried to talk to your agents, my wife and I want to hire you to lay down some vocals on a theme song I wrote for my online business, we'd give you credit and pay you $x, if you're interested write me back or give me a call at xxx-xxx-xxxx." I sent it and figured I wouldn't hear back for a while, if at all. He was online the next day, it said "online now" under his picture, and wrote some all-caps bulletin with some freestyle raps. But he did not reply to my message. Or call. Maybe U-God just does not want to rap for less than ten g's.
Then some dude wrote me a message, someone else, not U-God or in the Wu-Tang, and he said he had been having persistent dreams about the Wu-Tang. I have not had dreams about the Wu-Tang, but maybe I will after writing U-God. Maybe it's a curse, like you say "U-God" under your breath twelve times without stopping, and then I guess the curse is... persistent Wu-Tang dreams.
I am going to log off here and say it just to make sure. Usually my dreams are about people breaking into my house, and I feel very threatened, but they just sit down on my couch and watch television. And I just watch them from the stairs over the living room, just keeping track of them, you know, "Man, I hope he leaves soon. I want to go back to sleep. I better stay out here in case he tries to take anything. He probably won't, though. But I still gotta stay out here. Jesus." So I mean, if I had dreams every night where I met the Wu-Tang, I mean, it would probably be all right. Maybe they would beat me in freestyle raps every night, but, I mean, who is going to win that? The Wu-Tang is probably going to win that.
I mean, like I said. I rap, but my raps sound like a mild complaint. "My little flash drive broke / So I bought another / Life is hard / When you have to blog about it."